Sorry about yesterday's post. It sounds like I am totally whining. Really, I think I am still in shock that we are really having a baby. It's like an out-of-body experience.
Actually, I am so excited. And that doesn't even sound good enough to describe how I feel. I am amazed that all of this is actually happening, and it is all that Bill and I seem to be able to talk about.
So instead of telling you all the things that scare me, I will tell you all the things that I am looking forward to.

1.His first cry. That by itself will let me know that he is OK and that everything (and I mean everything) has been worth it.

2.Seeing Bill hold him for the first time.

3.Seeing Trey hold him for the first time.

4.Feeding him, even in the middle of the night. I loved this part with Trey too. Not necessarily the feeding part, but that they are so happy to have you rescue them.

5.Introducing him to his family (grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends)

6.Snuggling.

7.Seeing what he will look like. I wouldn't mind if you could actually tell he is my kid. The only part of me that Trey has is the nose, the rest is all Bill. I think Trey turned out pretty darn cute though, so maybe we'll stick with what works.

8.Buying new furniture and clothes. We gave everything we had away (that's probably why we are finally able to have another one.)

9.Boring everyone I know with tons of pictures and new memories.

10.Having that nagging heartache go away, and just be crazy happy!

There, that is much better. Just laugh at what I wrote yesterday, that's what I meant it for anyway (well, most of it--I was dead serious about the toe thing).

Emotional Roller Coaster

We had a baby appointment this morning, and it always makes me feel so relieved when we get to hear the heartbeat. My eyes well up every time. In between appts. I stress myself out thinking of all the sad stories there are and all the possible things that can go wrong. It amazes me that so many babies make it to their families at all.
Anyway, things are looking awesome, and everything is going along like it should. We both get really excited and look at each other and think--This is really happening. Then I think to myself--Yikes! This is really happening!
Along with all the happiness and excitement I have felt with being able to have another baby, there are also things that scare me to death. Some of them may sound silly and petty, but I still worry about them.

1.Are we really ready? We have been wanting this for 7 years, but we are so out of practice I worry that I will resent the change to our lives.

2.Will Trey be OK? He is very excited now, I hope he stays that way when the reality of how much attention a baby needs truly sets in.

3.That I will want another one, and the agony of the past 7 years will start all over again.

4.That I will want another one, and the doctor will tell me that I can't.

5.Getting our baby boy here at all. I still have this little voice in the back of my head telling me not to get too excited until I can actually see him.

6.The time and effort it will take to get back in shape. I know I can do it, but I also know I will be impatient about it. Two of you (Jane and Emily; and Kendra, if you read this) have had babies in the last two years, and look awesome, please share your secrets!

7.My boobs. When will these puppies ever stop growing?! I went to a lot of effort and expense to make sure that I was eternally perky, and I am not looking forward to the "orange in a tube sock" look. Picture it--it is not pleasant!

8.Juggling baby and preschool. This one will be the least of my worries. Hopefully my sister will be here to help, and I have great friends that I could call too.

9.Having ugly toes when I go to the hospital. Bill won't paint them, and I won't abuse our friendship and ask any of you to do it. Just let me know where I can get a pedicure and you are all invited.

10.The C-section. Some people love it, some people hate it. I guess I won't know till it's over.

11.That some of you may be offended by fear #7 and think I am very vain. Just think of it as the comic relief.

These are some of the things that go through my mind and keep me up at night. But then, I feel my little man kick and nothing else matters. And I know that the first time he cries and I can see him, I won't care about anything else and all these things will be silly. No matter how hard it might be, I have got a husband who loves me and makes me laugh, and Trey does the same, so how can our new edition be any different?